I just read smth funny on fb...
A friend posted a pic of himself..
Comment: pls buy .....for me. I know u'll find a ROAD to bring back...
Homaigod...a road???? Seriously???? Isn't it suppose to be a wayyyy....hahhahahahahhaha
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Welcome back
I just watched grey's and i hate that i can totally relate myself to the story. I feel like i'm christina. Tonight episode was when owen told her that he slept with a random woman and that broke christina apart.
Okay my husband does not sleep with other woman, nauzubillahiminzalik but i totally get the broken part. In the end owen left and it ended just like that. I dont want us to be like that so i'm gonna soften my heart and let him back into my heart. He must give me one big giant hug when he comes back on monday.
Don't get me wrong with my previous post. I do love my husband A LOT. Why else would i marry him but sometimes becase of his ignorant and my sensitivity kabooommmmm it explodes! But most of the time we are a lovey dovey couple who ppl around us will be sick seeing us.
I love u syg. Come home soon. I'm ready now..
Okay my husband does not sleep with other woman, nauzubillahiminzalik but i totally get the broken part. In the end owen left and it ended just like that. I dont want us to be like that so i'm gonna soften my heart and let him back into my heart. He must give me one big giant hug when he comes back on monday.
Don't get me wrong with my previous post. I do love my husband A LOT. Why else would i marry him but sometimes becase of his ignorant and my sensitivity kabooommmmm it explodes! But most of the time we are a lovey dovey couple who ppl around us will be sick seeing us.
I love u syg. Come home soon. I'm ready now..
...
It's almost 9pm and i just got home. Ya Allah penat rs badan. Dont have energy to eat. After watching health show, i dont feel like eating fast food or anything that is unhealthy. Even eating bread or rice make me feel disgusted. But if i dont have them, i'll feel hungry all the time during the day.
Husband called again just now. Thinking that i might be at home and cooled down but i wasnt. I was still as angry like before. Don't feel like picking up the phone if he call again later but then again the thought of him having to que a long line just to talk to me for 5mins makes me feel like a jackass if i reject his call. But i soooo want him to feel what i felt last night. Then the thought of 'isteri solehah mesti minta maaf kepada suami seblm tdo stiap malam' just kills me. Why cant husband minta maaf? Why must the wife go to hell of the husband doesnt forgive the wife? It's a bit unfair do t u think?
I wanna have a new hobby. Making research on islam. I read too many ridiculous stuff in fb that was posted by the so called preacher that makes me wanna puke. Make me dislike the teachings of islam. Make me question my faith. These preacher thought that they're being saints and trying to pull us to live in the way of islam. Instead, it push me further and further frm islam. So since ramadhan is coming soon, it is perfect for me to learn abt islam coz no setan will disturb me during my studies. Yeehaaa...some ppl are crazyyyyyy to do good stuff during ramadhan but honestly for me, it's no different than bln lain. U still have to be crazy kind during the other months. This ramadhan insyaAllah i want to strenghten my iman and learn abt islam. The true islam base on al-quran and sunnah. Hadith is a bit hard coz there's a lot of fake ones now so for me al-quran and sunnah is good enough.
I may or may not fast this month and i dont care what other ppl have to say coz this is my life and my body. Only i know my limit so screw u.
If i fast ppl would say..aiya no need to fast la, ur pregnant. Or kesian lah ur baby dont get enough nutrient.
If i dont fast ppl would say...kakak aku pregnant haritu puasa je...ok je ak tgk...full kot dye puasa...
So once again, i will remind myself to be strong and just dont care what other ppl have to say.
Husband just called and i feel so menyampah mok answer his call. He said that i dont have to punish him by making him feel angry in return of what he did to me last night coz he didnt do it on purpose. I can't forgive him just yet. I just can't.
He put me through hell last night. If it wasn't becoz of the baby, i wouldnt know what i'll do to myself.
Husband called again just now. Thinking that i might be at home and cooled down but i wasnt. I was still as angry like before. Don't feel like picking up the phone if he call again later but then again the thought of him having to que a long line just to talk to me for 5mins makes me feel like a jackass if i reject his call. But i soooo want him to feel what i felt last night. Then the thought of 'isteri solehah mesti minta maaf kepada suami seblm tdo stiap malam' just kills me. Why cant husband minta maaf? Why must the wife go to hell of the husband doesnt forgive the wife? It's a bit unfair do t u think?
I wanna have a new hobby. Making research on islam. I read too many ridiculous stuff in fb that was posted by the so called preacher that makes me wanna puke. Make me dislike the teachings of islam. Make me question my faith. These preacher thought that they're being saints and trying to pull us to live in the way of islam. Instead, it push me further and further frm islam. So since ramadhan is coming soon, it is perfect for me to learn abt islam coz no setan will disturb me during my studies. Yeehaaa...some ppl are crazyyyyyy to do good stuff during ramadhan but honestly for me, it's no different than bln lain. U still have to be crazy kind during the other months. This ramadhan insyaAllah i want to strenghten my iman and learn abt islam. The true islam base on al-quran and sunnah. Hadith is a bit hard coz there's a lot of fake ones now so for me al-quran and sunnah is good enough.
I may or may not fast this month and i dont care what other ppl have to say coz this is my life and my body. Only i know my limit so screw u.
If i fast ppl would say..aiya no need to fast la, ur pregnant. Or kesian lah ur baby dont get enough nutrient.
If i dont fast ppl would say...kakak aku pregnant haritu puasa je...ok je ak tgk...full kot dye puasa...
So once again, i will remind myself to be strong and just dont care what other ppl have to say.
Husband just called and i feel so menyampah mok answer his call. He said that i dont have to punish him by making him feel angry in return of what he did to me last night coz he didnt do it on purpose. I can't forgive him just yet. I just can't.
He put me through hell last night. If it wasn't becoz of the baby, i wouldnt know what i'll do to myself.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
The only way i can vent to you is through my blog since i have no other way to communicate with you.
How long have you known me? You know i'm the kind of person who will grow anger and hatred over time. So when you call me this morning, i wasnt looking forward to hear your voice. Last night was so bad for me and even as i type this post, i feel like my tears can come out anytime thinking about last night. I was all alone and i have no one to comfort me. No one to tell me that it's gonna be fine. You're strong and you can go through this all by yourself. I feel bad for the baby to er me screaming like a crazy woman. That is why i hate you so much right now for making me so sad. Once again you tried to defend yourself this morning on why you didn't call me back last night. Guess what? I dont care anymore. Now i'm finally okay and i'm working my ass off to finish this tender so that i can enjoy my weekend with my friend and i dont need you. Work as long as you want coz i honestly dont want to see your face just yet.
How long have you known me? You know i'm the kind of person who will grow anger and hatred over time. So when you call me this morning, i wasnt looking forward to hear your voice. Last night was so bad for me and even as i type this post, i feel like my tears can come out anytime thinking about last night. I was all alone and i have no one to comfort me. No one to tell me that it's gonna be fine. You're strong and you can go through this all by yourself. I feel bad for the baby to er me screaming like a crazy woman. That is why i hate you so much right now for making me so sad. Once again you tried to defend yourself this morning on why you didn't call me back last night. Guess what? I dont care anymore. Now i'm finally okay and i'm working my ass off to finish this tender so that i can enjoy my weekend with my friend and i dont need you. Work as long as you want coz i honestly dont want to see your face just yet.
Dont come home just yet
I dont want u to come home. Not anymore. How can u be so insensitive. I cried scream and yell like a mad woman in this house after u hang up the phone. I dont think i'm gonna pick ur call tomorrow. I dont want to hear ur voice until i dont know when i'll forgive u.
Even if my hormon are not stable and being like a cry baby. U should have comfort me. U should know better since ur hormon is normal. But no...u raised ur voice to prove smth to me. How can i not be sensitive when i said i miss u and i feel like i want to cry n then u said 'maybe becoz ktk denga suara kmk...bah k lah bye' n i said ' noooo pls dont hang up' cuba syg soak urself in that particular conversation. How can kmk x kecik ati?!! Wpun syg slh fhm but mun dh denga kmk nangis gia pun syg still mk prove ur point yg u heard it wrongly? Why cant syg mengalah n pdh sorry. That would have made me feel better.
Now i think i lost my voice coz i couldnt stand the emotions running inside my body. God knows what my baby is thinking or feeling when i was in the crazy state. I was out of breath n my head feels mcm mk explode coz i couldn't deal with my emotions. N u werent here to see what damage u've made.
I hope u'll come home at least on monday. I dont wish to see u anytime soon. I hate ur job. I hate what ur putting me through. Go ahead and say kmk x bersyukur or whatever becoz there's no woman in this world who like to be married and left behind after that.
I dont know how am i gonna cope when this baby comes out. Will i be okay looking after her while working at the same time and i have NO ONE with me. Boh pdh when the baby pops out, i'm actually worried abt myself in this coming weeks. I've watched too much 'if birth goes bad' and i know what possible situation can happen and if that happens, whose gonna be there for me?
What have i got myself into?!
Fuck i'm doomed!
Even if my hormon are not stable and being like a cry baby. U should have comfort me. U should know better since ur hormon is normal. But no...u raised ur voice to prove smth to me. How can i not be sensitive when i said i miss u and i feel like i want to cry n then u said 'maybe becoz ktk denga suara kmk...bah k lah bye' n i said ' noooo pls dont hang up' cuba syg soak urself in that particular conversation. How can kmk x kecik ati?!! Wpun syg slh fhm but mun dh denga kmk nangis gia pun syg still mk prove ur point yg u heard it wrongly? Why cant syg mengalah n pdh sorry. That would have made me feel better.
Now i think i lost my voice coz i couldnt stand the emotions running inside my body. God knows what my baby is thinking or feeling when i was in the crazy state. I was out of breath n my head feels mcm mk explode coz i couldn't deal with my emotions. N u werent here to see what damage u've made.
I hope u'll come home at least on monday. I dont wish to see u anytime soon. I hate ur job. I hate what ur putting me through. Go ahead and say kmk x bersyukur or whatever becoz there's no woman in this world who like to be married and left behind after that.
I dont know how am i gonna cope when this baby comes out. Will i be okay looking after her while working at the same time and i have NO ONE with me. Boh pdh when the baby pops out, i'm actually worried abt myself in this coming weeks. I've watched too much 'if birth goes bad' and i know what possible situation can happen and if that happens, whose gonna be there for me?
What have i got myself into?!
Fuck i'm doomed!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Fuck u
Today i thought i already dressed up nicely but then there was this girl asking am i wearing a baju tido. I felt so insulted coz 1) she's not close to me at all to make that joke 2) she wore smth like what my grandma would wear everyday. My friends laughed abt it and thought it was funny and they brought it up in fb which pisses me off. But i tried to keep my cool and carefully chose my words to reply coz i still dont want to be insensitive like them. How i wish i can reply "x kisah lah korg nak ckp org kampung ke baju tido ke yang penting duit dlm account ak byk"
I am very very sensitive when it comes to how i look. Coz :
1) i am very aware that i am fat now coz HELL-O can't u see i'm pregnant?!
2) hence 90% of my clothes don't fit anymore and i hate buying pregnant clothes coz i hate the thought of not being able to wear it when the baby pops out!
3) preggie clothes are yucky coz it all look very lepeh-ish. If only i can wear sleeveless dresses and short sundress so that i can actually breathe in my clothes
4)Plus they are sooooo expensive
5) i have so many other things to buy other than clothes such as nursing bra, baby towel and bedding n etc...
So when ppl call me heavy weight, org kampung and baju tido. I will feel offended becoz i, too miss being pretty.
I am very very sensitive when it comes to how i look. Coz :
1) i am very aware that i am fat now coz HELL-O can't u see i'm pregnant?!
2) hence 90% of my clothes don't fit anymore and i hate buying pregnant clothes coz i hate the thought of not being able to wear it when the baby pops out!
3) preggie clothes are yucky coz it all look very lepeh-ish. If only i can wear sleeveless dresses and short sundress so that i can actually breathe in my clothes
4)Plus they are sooooo expensive
5) i have so many other things to buy other than clothes such as nursing bra, baby towel and bedding n etc...
So when ppl call me heavy weight, org kampung and baju tido. I will feel offended becoz i, too miss being pretty.
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