3 months before the wedding

So many people are planning to get married in this year but many of them cancel it in the end. Am I on the same road?

4 years into this relationship, you ought to know the good and the bad of your partner. You tend to take things for granted and you stop making each other feel special and soon the sparks of the relationship will fade. In the end, both of you will go into automode and be excellent best friend.

I've had a turmoil breakdown for the past few weeks and I asked myself, is he worth this fight? Is this bad feeling going to end. Am I ever gonna be in love like before? and etc....

I look for self help book and google about this and not one of them suggest that I should be in this relationship. I talked to my best friend, hoping that she can enlighten me with this mess...but she was on the other side too. So I turn to my partner and observe him in scrutinizing details and every mistake he made will determine the path of this relationship.

(as i am writing this post, i still have no idea how this is going to end)

All that is tiring. Then, the turmoil turn 180° and I start blamming myself for everything that was happening. Another emotional breakdown was coming my way.

Am I bipolar or am I born to be full of angst? How is this going to end? Will this be the last raya we ever get to spend together?

3 months left before the big wedding and all this need to change. I need to stop thinking about the escape route and start on my emergency plan. This will not end without a big fight.

I pray that Allah swt will guide me every step of the way. InsyaAllah...