Penat melayan perasaan tok. Penat! Serious penat! I never knew it will lead to this. Now i feel like scrapping everything i said to my friends before which is 'dont get married if u dont have the heart of steel'

Tired

Life is extremely difficult to cope with at the moment. My body is not fully recovered yet. I am still 'handicaped' thus the frustration.

I guess my body is going to shut down if i don't go easy to myself. I'm having a slight fever and coughing but i try to not give way to it coz i need to BF rania and she needs my attention and love so i cant afford to be sick.

House works seem never ending and i really need to work extra hard to get things done.

Now i understand how relationship changes in marriage. It's all because of communication but sometimes you just dont feel like talking anymore cause the issue is not smth new. And you feel like talking is just a waste of time because it wont result in anything good so what you do is just continue woth your daily life and try to put everything at the back of your head and hope that you won't explode.

Ok off to second round of pumping.y head is spinning and i still have to take a shower, change rania to bedtime clothes and hopefully do another round of pumping insyaAllah. If i still have energy, i'll fold the clothes...

I wish i can be alone.

;(

Ya allah,
Pls give me strength. I can't go on feeling like this. My baby sik bersalah so why do i feel this way? Ya allah pls make this feeling go away. I can hate everyone except for my baby.

Ya allah,
Give me strength to go through this day. One step at a time.

Ya allah,
I beg u for a faster recovery. I hate having to rely/depend on other ppl. I hate having to boss my husband around. I hate how he needs to do every single/tiny thing for me.

Ya allah,
Pls don't make me fall into depression. I know i love my baby and i know i love my husband and i know i should be grateful with everything that i have.

Ya Allah,
Pls strengthen my iman and taqwa

Amin

Post patrum depression

Some days I feel ok some days i feel down. Most days are a mixture of both.
Today I forgot that it's my husband's birthday. I lost the track of time and I didn't wish him last night. This morning i look at his incoming watsapp and I saw his lil sis wish. Then i check the date, it says 25th. I was shocked coz i did plan smth but now it's no use since i wont have the time to do anything. When i wish him HB, he said 'ur the last person to wish me'. That broke my heart.

Last night was a bad night for me and to wake up to this? Last night, i have the thoughts of running away. I'm tired. I don't know whether all new mothers experience this. I do most of the things on my own.

This is sad...too sad...i think i might need help before i go into depression.

I said go awayy

Honestly i dont feel like talking to anyone. I ignore every phone call, every text that i get coz i dont want to talk abt why i havent deliver yet.

Even worst, i do not want to talk to my bestie becoz i just couldn't focus on anyone else except myself. U can say i'm selfish. I dont care. I'm going through a hard time right now. Deling with my emotions and physical being, i do not want to listen to anyone love life. You can call me anytime but now. Not now. Coz i have bigger thing in my head.

I'm really sorry

Pls go away

I am stressed out with ppl keep texting/calling/facebooking/watsappingn etc..asking whether or not i have delivered. I'm stressfull enough that the baby refuse to come out and my due date is tomorrow.

I have been crying for the past few days due to the fear of giving birth. This morning, i tried to educate myself with the process of child birth and in a way, it kinda help me go through this. What i learn is always control the breathing and don't let yourself be panic. I'll try to do that tomorrow during the check up. InsyaAllah..

Update :)

Lamak dh x update blog tok..so here it goes...

Bismillahirahmanirahim

At the moment i'm 39 weeks 5 days so soon i'm gonna hit 40 weeks and the baby is still safely tuck in my tummy.

Last friday, i had a slight fever, flu and cough so i did my check up just to make sure the baby is ok. That day, the doc decided to break my mucus plug. It was a bad experience for me and i will cry everytime i think back.

Anyway, i have a BIG news to say here..

Husband and I decided to buy our own apartment! We did scout a few apartments but we did not like it as much as we love our current apartment so we decided to buy one just on the upper level! Alhamdulillah, the price is under our budget and insyaAllah we can save a lot of money on the moving cost since we do not have to higher movers or trucks. Alhamdulillah...

Time's up!
Gonna watch a movie with my dear syg ;)

You are awesome and i love u A LOT!!