i told the truth

The wedding is off, the engagement is done and i'm left with nothing. It's all because of my stupidity! my weakness of resisting the temptation. My stupid brain just stop working and now i have to face the fact that i'm all alone.

i feel selfish for wanting u, i feel like i should let u go and let u be with someone better. but the thoughts of u leaving me just kills me. by now, everyone knows that i'm the damn bastard and you're the victim. well it is true but what am i suppose to do now. i feel so helpless. i wish i can go back in time and change things but that can never happen. The real test now is whether this relationship can pass this stage or not. The truth is, it's over. Now i can only look at my past and reminisce on the memories that we had. i don't know whether i can go through this alone. i'm scared. i feel like vomiting every time i think of what i did.

i wish i didn't tell u last night but it wouldn't be fair. if i want to make this relationship right, it should start with honesty. i wish i didn't do it in the first place but it has already happened and there's no point is saying 'i should've'.

i'm helpless and i don't know what to do. someone told me that jodoh kenak diusahakan tp i really don't know what to do.

ya allah ya tuhan, kuatkanlah hati hamba mu ini ya Allah

CIDB Oooo CIDB

Today was fun at the office. i honestly feel like my stomach is gonna burst at any time. i just can't stop laughing whenever i see them wearing the new CIDB safety helmet. It's funny to see how excited they were to get the new helmet but it seriously look funny. mcm ala2 jugah! no kidding.

dear bf,
i want my present =) and i promise i'll love u more..hihi..blt kchhh cepat!!!

i'm working on saturday..boohoo

my laptop can't be switched on! it shuts down by itself after 10 secs and it is so annoying! i have so much to say but now i don't feel like typing about it anymore.

Thanx to all my friends who came to have lunch with me =) 

a love letter for you

dear bf,
i miss you and i love u. Things had been hard on us this couple of days but i promise u i'll do better. The insecurity you're giving me does pay off but i am not letting you cheat on me coz i will kill you.(am not joking). pls don't get caught if you do that syg.

enough about that.

syg bila mok blt kuching?? i miss u bah. dtg ctok after g thailand k?? n i want ole2 dari sia =) nothing expensive ok b.

bah i'm telling the whole world that i love u. mesti org rs mok muntah dah ooo..but i don't care because that's how i feel =))

Soon, we're gonna hit the big 3 ;)

tomorrow will be a better day

i feel like a dead zombie..today is awkward yet fulfilling. i don't look forward to go to work becauseee some drama happened. why do i always have to go through this shit. every where i go, THIS will always happen and the ending will always always always be messy.

btw lunch was great ;) and shepah's driving skill has improved TREMENDOUSLY although nya still drive super slow until the car almost stop when we were driving up the bridge...hahah and she almost knocked a motorcycle because he was driving too slow. tp nya boleh jak ngelak sebenarnya tp ak sik paham kenak nya mok emergency break dkat gila babi dgn moto ya. oh well..that's shepah...

the rest of the day was crap and the only thing i learn today is how the smth2 level equipment works. LAME!

babi sial mena kau ya

i feel like shit! this remind me of the past. Fuck!

excuse my language but that is EXACTLY how i feel

its 12 am and i'm still awake, amazing~~

I've managed to survive the first week of my industrial training. Well, so far it's been good and i'm always excited to go to work on the next day! Most people were surprised to see how happy i was with my work. They expect me to complain and be dreadful..haha..i've proved u wrong! but i can't blame them anyway, seeing my background and the way i am. I'm so grateful to be able to work in this project because of so many reasons. i can't really think properly now because it's almost 11.30pm and my normal bedtime is about 10 so just bear my my horrendous sentences. i'll simplify it below.

I like to work because:
i) The people are friendly
ii) i'm the only trainee and also the only girl working on site, therefore people are nice with me=) yesterday, one of the indon worker even gave me a drink(can drink ok) but of course i read bismillah like hundredss time..
iii) i have to 2 supervisor and they are elyta(QA/QC) and jason (sr. site engineer).
iv) there's is always something to look forward
v) next monday, i'm gonna have a partner which means there's gonna be another trainee =)
vi) it's labour day so today i don't have to go to work =D

Things i've learned so far:
Monday: Prestressed Beam(uber cool procedure), went up to level 6 using the scaffolding staircase! scary shit i tell u but now i'm getting used to it tp still scary ok everytime sampei level 4!

Tuesday: i seriously can't remember what i did on this day

Wednesday: Concreting the slab for level 6.  Super cool! they pump the concrete using the elephant pump from the truck mixer which is at the ground level! Then they distribute the concrete using RV-10.

Thursday: Check the verticality of structure

Friday: Coring. To support the Tie beam which is attached to the tower crane because they want to add 8 more mast to the tower crane therefore it is not free standing anymore. Plus, today i went up to level 7. There is only formwork(x sure spelling..haha) basically it's the mould to make the slab(floor) and reinforcement bar. The formwork is supported by the scaffolding below. It doest even have a proper way to go to that level. All the indons and even the engineers were laughing at me with the way i cross the scaffolding to that level. i used my ass..mcm biak umur 3 thn eh. Serious shit cuak gila babi..i'll try to take some photo and upload it here...

On this coming monday, we're gonna check the verticality of the lift wall and something that has to do with the lift.


bah enough of me blabing..i have pic to put tp not today..i'm just too tired..