i told the truth

The wedding is off, the engagement is done and i'm left with nothing. It's all because of my stupidity! my weakness of resisting the temptation. My stupid brain just stop working and now i have to face the fact that i'm all alone.

i feel selfish for wanting u, i feel like i should let u go and let u be with someone better. but the thoughts of u leaving me just kills me. by now, everyone knows that i'm the damn bastard and you're the victim. well it is true but what am i suppose to do now. i feel so helpless. i wish i can go back in time and change things but that can never happen. The real test now is whether this relationship can pass this stage or not. The truth is, it's over. Now i can only look at my past and reminisce on the memories that we had. i don't know whether i can go through this alone. i'm scared. i feel like vomiting every time i think of what i did.

i wish i didn't tell u last night but it wouldn't be fair. if i want to make this relationship right, it should start with honesty. i wish i didn't do it in the first place but it has already happened and there's no point is saying 'i should've'.

i'm helpless and i don't know what to do. someone told me that jodoh kenak diusahakan tp i really don't know what to do.

ya allah ya tuhan, kuatkanlah hati hamba mu ini ya Allah