How many times do i have to tell you ak bukan org gaji di rmh tok! Sakit hati tauk sik when i have to pick up where u left off. Not once, twice, ten times but every fucking time.
Mun berik mandik rania, just plainly berik mandik. Nasib juak tdk nampak jamban at least sik ngambo tp everything else sama jak. Lampu n pintu jamban sik tutup. Lampu bilit guest sik tutup. Lampu master bedroom sik tutup. Perlu ka aku jadi pengawas setiap kali ko polah keja. Ak serious fed up. Penat.
Klak mun sigek family dtg, aku juak knak putit suma benda. Mkn lamak mkn skt ati, mkn rs bencik tauk sik. Dah jak kau layan ak mcm apa jak nektok sik perlu ko mok tambah2 mcm tok.
Serious ak nait bencik!
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Dont get married
Now i finally get it. Why young married couple divorce easily. Why people always say patience is utmost important in a marriage. And remember how people always say 'the honeymoon year will be over before u know it'. Now i finally get it.
It is so stressful that i'll always be reminded that if you say something abt your marriage to other ppl, you will go to hell. Then how will i be okay if i can't share my thoughts and feelings. I know i know..u guys will say 'pa guna ada laki?' But what if the things u'll say might hurt him so you just want to share your burden with your friends so that they will try to give some advice to you and you'll end up feeling better and try to see your husband in another angle, No?
I feel so tormented right now. Last night i just could not sleep. All i do is fret. I wish to tell everyone not to get married or not to have a baby. Things will change. So far, i'm not liking it. Is this even normal? My self esteem is down to ZERO. Last night i bought a girdle size extra extra large, even the promoter was surprise. Going to a shopping mall is depressing coz i'll be observing skinny people and when i see fat ppl around, i'll feel good. See! That's not even healthy. Now i totally get it why husband is not interested to me anymore. It sucks that even my masseus says 'perut ko kdak kulit nangka' I do joke around about it but deep inside i just feel like crap.
I have become over sensitive about stuff. I just can't help it. I even feel jelous if husband doesnt give much attention to me and only to rania. Isn't it suppose to be the other way round. I am so confuse with myself. Even now, husband don't take me seriously when i complaint about my pains. He used to be very caring about this stuff when i was pregnant. Now, the baby is out, he just doesn't care.
I know u will argue with me on this but think it over. How many times have you stop and ask me sincerely about my pain when i suddenly have the sudden shock of pain? Zero. I'm the one who keep on explaining while you keep on playing with the baby. This morning, i make a thick face and ask you to apply pressure on my back and you said ' duduk lah' and i said ' i'll just lay flat' and guess what happen..u doze off! Omfg i was so pissed. Dah lah you snooze your phone when rania smells like poop. The reason why sometimes i just stop caring about rania is when u start making me feel like crap. That's why i didnt bother to nurse her this morning when you ask me to.
When it's my turn to look after rania, i do everything on my own. U have no idea how hard it was on me coz my body is still in pain. But when u come back from work, i can see it from your face, the malasnyabiniaku look when you have to do stuff. Dah lah you like to polah keja sik sampei ke hujung. If you hang the clothes, baldi mesti tandah sia ajak. Mun mbak botol susu or mug to the room, akan tandah jak sia til next day or until i bring it to the kitchen. Things like this make me go mad coz i feel like your servant. I can't even rest for a while coz then i'll need to pick up where you left.
Here comes the questions
What have i put myself into?
Why do i end up like this?
Why can't we just keep on dating so things wont change.
I miss the guy that i fell in love to last time. This time last year, i remember feeling so blessed being married. I smile when i woke up in my dreams coz i see you sleeping next to me. But last night, all i do is fret and cry.
This is my first year milestone
It is so stressful that i'll always be reminded that if you say something abt your marriage to other ppl, you will go to hell. Then how will i be okay if i can't share my thoughts and feelings. I know i know..u guys will say 'pa guna ada laki?' But what if the things u'll say might hurt him so you just want to share your burden with your friends so that they will try to give some advice to you and you'll end up feeling better and try to see your husband in another angle, No?
I feel so tormented right now. Last night i just could not sleep. All i do is fret. I wish to tell everyone not to get married or not to have a baby. Things will change. So far, i'm not liking it. Is this even normal? My self esteem is down to ZERO. Last night i bought a girdle size extra extra large, even the promoter was surprise. Going to a shopping mall is depressing coz i'll be observing skinny people and when i see fat ppl around, i'll feel good. See! That's not even healthy. Now i totally get it why husband is not interested to me anymore. It sucks that even my masseus says 'perut ko kdak kulit nangka' I do joke around about it but deep inside i just feel like crap.
I have become over sensitive about stuff. I just can't help it. I even feel jelous if husband doesnt give much attention to me and only to rania. Isn't it suppose to be the other way round. I am so confuse with myself. Even now, husband don't take me seriously when i complaint about my pains. He used to be very caring about this stuff when i was pregnant. Now, the baby is out, he just doesn't care.
I know u will argue with me on this but think it over. How many times have you stop and ask me sincerely about my pain when i suddenly have the sudden shock of pain? Zero. I'm the one who keep on explaining while you keep on playing with the baby. This morning, i make a thick face and ask you to apply pressure on my back and you said ' duduk lah' and i said ' i'll just lay flat' and guess what happen..u doze off! Omfg i was so pissed. Dah lah you snooze your phone when rania smells like poop. The reason why sometimes i just stop caring about rania is when u start making me feel like crap. That's why i didnt bother to nurse her this morning when you ask me to.
When it's my turn to look after rania, i do everything on my own. U have no idea how hard it was on me coz my body is still in pain. But when u come back from work, i can see it from your face, the malasnyabiniaku look when you have to do stuff. Dah lah you like to polah keja sik sampei ke hujung. If you hang the clothes, baldi mesti tandah sia ajak. Mun mbak botol susu or mug to the room, akan tandah jak sia til next day or until i bring it to the kitchen. Things like this make me go mad coz i feel like your servant. I can't even rest for a while coz then i'll need to pick up where you left.
Here comes the questions
What have i put myself into?
Why do i end up like this?
Why can't we just keep on dating so things wont change.
I miss the guy that i fell in love to last time. This time last year, i remember feeling so blessed being married. I smile when i woke up in my dreams coz i see you sleeping next to me. But last night, all i do is fret and cry.
This is my first year milestone
Monday, November 12, 2012
X sah kah mun aku sik nangis sehari d rmh tok.
Husband left us here with the witch and the lil bro. He is so mad with me right now coz i can't ignore her in this hse. First of all, this is NOT my house so of course i feel unwelcome and camne lah ak mok bermaharajalela ctok mcm dunia tok ak mpun when in fact THIS IS NOT MY HOUSE. The thoughts of us under one roof is suffocating.
Do u think i would dare to go out feom this room? Do u think i would dare touch the food and drinks in the kitchen?
Husband left us here with the witch and the lil bro. He is so mad with me right now coz i can't ignore her in this hse. First of all, this is NOT my house so of course i feel unwelcome and camne lah ak mok bermaharajalela ctok mcm dunia tok ak mpun when in fact THIS IS NOT MY HOUSE. The thoughts of us under one roof is suffocating.
Do u think i would dare to go out feom this room? Do u think i would dare touch the food and drinks in the kitchen?
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Started with angst but ended with excitement
Lom panas gk burit aku duduk di katil tok, ak dh rs mok chow! I hate being here. Call it post patrum blues or leftover hormon or confused hormon or whatever but i hate being here simply because it's not hygienic.
I do not like it when they let the cats roaming around the house. The fur is everywhere and they expect that i'm okay with them putting my precious baby on the sofa/bed without a nappy on it? Hell no!
I have nothing to do at this house so i have all the time to do my observation about the house so i know exactly what i'm talking about. Stuffs are everywhere. One time, i saw a banana skin on the sofa.
Suddenly i think about how am i going to survive having two families comibg over in december plus i'm going to move in to my new place andddd i'm having a baby. Oh god! Thinking of it makes me want to kill myself.
1. I feel like a non stop working maid whenever i have them around. I want my apartment to be neat and tidy all the time or else i go balistic. Therefore, i will always be in d kitchen cleaning the non stop mugs and plates. My house will look like a haunted house by d end of the day. And i'll be sleeping after midnight coz only then the washing will stop.
2. My mom is a shopaholic. Thus, we spend a lot of cash on unnecessary item that we'll prob only use once or twice a year.
3. She wants things to be in her way and as i said earlier on, i'll be moving into the new house and i would really appreciate it if things are placed according to how we want.
*update*
I've just discussed with the husband and we decided to pimp our apartment in 3 weeks time. And hopefully most of the work will be done before everyone arrives.
Things to do:
Wiring+plaster ceiling
Paint
Kitchen cabinet
Sofa
Dining table
Clothes dryer
Hmmm..this post ended with a positive vibe. All thanx to my dear husband
I do not like it when they let the cats roaming around the house. The fur is everywhere and they expect that i'm okay with them putting my precious baby on the sofa/bed without a nappy on it? Hell no!
I have nothing to do at this house so i have all the time to do my observation about the house so i know exactly what i'm talking about. Stuffs are everywhere. One time, i saw a banana skin on the sofa.
Suddenly i think about how am i going to survive having two families comibg over in december plus i'm going to move in to my new place andddd i'm having a baby. Oh god! Thinking of it makes me want to kill myself.
1. I feel like a non stop working maid whenever i have them around. I want my apartment to be neat and tidy all the time or else i go balistic. Therefore, i will always be in d kitchen cleaning the non stop mugs and plates. My house will look like a haunted house by d end of the day. And i'll be sleeping after midnight coz only then the washing will stop.
2. My mom is a shopaholic. Thus, we spend a lot of cash on unnecessary item that we'll prob only use once or twice a year.
3. She wants things to be in her way and as i said earlier on, i'll be moving into the new house and i would really appreciate it if things are placed according to how we want.
*update*
I've just discussed with the husband and we decided to pimp our apartment in 3 weeks time. And hopefully most of the work will be done before everyone arrives.
Things to do:
Wiring+plaster ceiling
Paint
Kitchen cabinet
Sofa
Dining table
Clothes dryer
Hmmm..this post ended with a positive vibe. All thanx to my dear husband
Friday, November 9, 2012
Slowly getting rid of post patrum blues
Ola..
I'm in kch and i'm so happy coz husband just arrived yesterday. We'll be here til this coming saturday. The not-so-awesome part is i'm having a fever this past few days so i hope i'll be okay by today.
I love waking up next to my beautiful baby and the love of my life. I feel so blessed!
Update on our new home
I feel so greatful Alhamdulillah. At first, we have to KIV on the kitchen cabinet, wiring, decoration and buying d furniture since the stamp duty and legal fees already cost us 10 grand! But things have changed thanx to a certain someone and i feel so blessed!
So as soon as i get back...we'll be shopping for the home stuff!!! I need to start my budget and hopefully i'll be spending less than what i have so that i have some savings for our family.
I'm in kch and i'm so happy coz husband just arrived yesterday. We'll be here til this coming saturday. The not-so-awesome part is i'm having a fever this past few days so i hope i'll be okay by today.
I love waking up next to my beautiful baby and the love of my life. I feel so blessed!
Update on our new home
I feel so greatful Alhamdulillah. At first, we have to KIV on the kitchen cabinet, wiring, decoration and buying d furniture since the stamp duty and legal fees already cost us 10 grand! But things have changed thanx to a certain someone and i feel so blessed!
So as soon as i get back...we'll be shopping for the home stuff!!! I need to start my budget and hopefully i'll be spending less than what i have so that i have some savings for our family.
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