I've been ditched again!

As I grow up, i find that true friends are hard to find. Sometimes, even people that you call a friend could change as time passes by.

I guess that is a painful fact that i have to accept. I'm very grateful that i will always have somebody by my side and that is sepul and also this cute cupcake that is growing inside me.

Friends come and go but family will always stay together through thick and thin.

I love youuuu

Dear husband,

I cannot find a way to describe how much i love you and grateful i am to have you as my husband. Alhamdulillah, Allah has blessed us with our daughter that I am carrying right. I'm sure we're going to shower her with so much love!

I love love love you syg!!

U're finally up for subuh..weeee now i can hug u after the prayer!

Adopting baby

Husband reminded me abt smth that i've always wanted to do. He asked whether or not i still want to adopt a kid and i said absolutely! While i'm still breastfeeding my baby later, i would like to adopt another kid so that i can be the baby's ibu susu. Therefore, we will all be mahram!

I think i would like to adopt a boy! But one thing for sure is I would want the baby to know his biological parents.

Noobbb

The thing that i love most is when ze husband hugs me when we're sleeping but the thing that i hate most is his snores that came along. I just cant sleep when his snores is next to my ear.

What an irony right?

I helped ze husband with his evaluation and he said that i'm a strict teacher since i keep on shoosh-ing him whenever he talks while i'm thinking..

On other news..today was a noob driving day for ze husband. He picked me up from work today and the first thing he said was 'kunci ya stuck, sik pat cabut' so i said calm down and i tried to start the car and turn it off but when i try to pull the key out, it was still stuck. Then i tried doing the same thing again and once more, the key was stuck. Thennnnn i checked the gear!!! Oh boy...it was on neutral! Of course lah xpat cabut!!! Noob abis my husband eh..hahaahah

Then, we stop over at shell for maghrib prayer. When we wanted to leave, he went to Drive instead of reverse! Noobbb..

And finally was the parking..seriously i think a motorcycle can even park at the back of our car!


I will love you anyway...

I love u husband

Alhamdulillah..dah 2 ari berjaya puasa. Today is the first time i will puasa at work. Hopefully everything runs smoothly.

I am suppose to sleep but syg is sleeping 'soundly' next to me. Hence, x pat mok tdo but in a way, it reminded me that no matter what he does concious or unconciously..i will still love him anyway. Recently he has formed a new habit which is hitting me in his sleep. The first two times, i was pissed like mad. Bygkan ur having a nightmare and when i wanted to hug him for comform but suddenly 'spat!'.

But i still love him anyway coz when he is wide awake, he is the sweetest cotton candy u'll ever have. Constantly hugging and kissing, give me massages whenever i'm in pain or not and all the manjak2 thing lah.

I really2 love my husband and having him around is ohsemmmm

Rezeki!

6 minutes left for iftar. Alhamdulillah I've managed to fast today without any complication. Baby is acting very good today and she only kick a few times so alhamdulillah both baby and I survived our first day puasa together.

I'm actually blogging next to ze hisband and he's trying hard not to peep. He just bought me a present! An old time favvvv perfume, blue ralph lauren. Alhamdulillah..rezeki and the we're gonna have dinner at manhattan fish market tonight! Alhamdulillah murah rezeki..

Rezeki!

6 minutes left for iftar. Alhamdulillah I've managed to fast today without any complication. Baby is acting very good today and she only kick a few times so alhamdulillah both baby and I survived our first day puasa together.

I'm actually blogging next to ze hisband and he's trying hard not to peep. He just bought me a present! An old time favvvv perfume, blue ralph lauren. Alhamdulillah..rezeki and the we're gonna have dinner at manhattan fish market tonight! Alhamdulillah murah rezeki..

!!

I hate it whenever he drives during jam. It is a big mistake for me to let him drive. It was tiring for me coz i drove for an hour already from the office to back home. That is why i pet hom drive but boy that was a foolish thing to do.

It drives me nuts when he keeps on pressing brake at the very last minute. He is very very impatient when it comes to driving and he'll have to make me mad and raise my voice and only then he'll stop brake and speed like mad! Argh

Mother in law

Having a heart to heart chat with the MIL. It's weird that i'm closer to MIL than my own mom especially talking about pregnancy. It's easier to talk to MIL about everything whether it's the difficulties during pregnant or the excitement of every detail on pregnancy to her.

I am so lucky her as my MIL. I pray that all my friends will have an awesome MIL like I do!

Baby nursery

The husband started his project on the baby nursery as soon as he has his tools and painted the first coat of the wall on his very first night at home. I was a bit bumped at first coz i thiught we would be cuddling and lovey dovey that night. Thanx to the new book i just bought, it took my mind away and boyyy i had fun reading!

I cant wait to shop baby stuff again with ze husband so that the room will be completed before the baby arrives.

I'll be going to see my doctor after work tonight! And we'll doing detailed scan and i am going to see my baby in 3D!! I pray that the baby will show her cute face on screen tonight, insyaAllah..

I'm up at 5am

I woke up from my sleep because baby keep on moving inside. I quickly took my husband hand and put it on my belly. In my heart i told my baby to kick or move so that daddy can feel you like i always do and of course my cute little cupcake did as i told and hubby woke up from his sleep and we just laughed.


Times like this will make mummy miss the feeling of you inside my tummy. 3 more months to go before i mummy gets to hold you in my arms. I love u baby..

Chinese dialect

I recalled smth abt last night. My sabahan friends were surprised to see how i can understand what they're talking about even when they speak mandarin. It's obvious tjat we haven't seen each other in ages and another thing is when nonong made fun of my language, i straight away felt offended and that is exactly like the good all times.

It's funny how may tested me in various dialect that night at johnny's. She speaks in mandarin, cantonese and hokkien and then asked me what she was crapping about and i guessed it all right. Hahah..i can guess it right since her vocab in cantonese and hokkien is very limited...hahah


Anywhoos...i miss having to guess what my friends are talking about...weird but true.


I soooo cant wait for husband to xome home tomorrow!!!! Yeeepeeee yeaaa

Fun weekend!

I had an awesome weekend with one of my bestfriend who came all the way to penang. We spend most of the time at home, chilling at my couch and be fat pigs coz we couldn't stop eating. It felt really good to have some company at home and i absolutely love spending time at home.

Both of us were a bit lazy to go out since it takes too much effort to get our butt off the couch. But on the last day she was here, we went to solaris dutamas to chill with another good friend of ours, mr edward.

Good friends and good food are the best combination ever. Time pass by so fast and now i'm on my desk at the office. I'm so bored at the moment co my boss haven't checked my work so i have nothing to do at the moment.

Husband is coming home tomorrow insyaAllah and i pray that he has a safe journey. I can't wait to give him a biggggg hug with my hugeee belly. I miss my husband soooo much.

Btw najwa just text me and she reminded on our sushi date tomorrow. Yeeehaaaa...another good friend and good food day ahead.


Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for surrounding me with amazing people.

It's hard to be mad at you..

Okay..everything is settled. This is the first time that we actually settle the prob on the same night. Looks like husband has learnt his lesson. Thank YOU! I really appreciate it.

Living far from each other is hardcore. I dont know how much longer i can stand this torture. I love my husband so so much and it breaks my heart to be apart from him.

If u read this blog, it seems like we have a love hate relationship. In reality we're just like other couple. We fight and we make up afterwards. Most ppl think that we never fight but now u can see it here how we fight like crazy monkeys.

It's almost 3am and i need to sleep nowwwww


Dahhhh

Fed up

Seriously! Brapa kali ktk mk plh mek nangis camtok?! Kmk fed up dh dgn ktk plh kmk rs down camtok. Kmk sik suka ngamok2 camtok time kmk pregnant nektok. Mek x suka the thought of baby mek tauk mek sedih n merana. Ktk nyaman jak blh tdo berderok cnun. Even when ktk d rmh pun ktk blh jak tdo while i feel like crap apa tah gk when ktk d sinun.

Now only ktk blh contact kmk n kmk just perlu pasrah trimak call ktk wpun kmk tgh mrh coz kmk tkt mun mek x angkat kmk x tauk bla gk ktk akan call. When kmk down glak2 ktk xda. Ktk tinggal mek mantak2 gia. Pandei2 kmk lah mujuk ati kmk tok gne n when me dh ok ckit suddenly ktk coming mk 'pujuk' kmk. What's the point? U weren't there when i needed the most. I feel so depress and words cant describe betapa mek down when ktk plh mek sedih. It's almost suicidal. Nsb lah kmk pregnant n x plh benda yg bkn2 coz i dont want to hurt the baby.

Ktk selfish tauk sik. Allah jak tauk betapa sedih nya kmk rs kinektok. Kmk xda tmpt lain mk pour my feelings except blog tok. Kmk x rs mk ktk blt ari isnin tok. Mun ktk lamak gk sinun maybe sebab Allah tauk kmk perlu buk gk masa mk kuatkan dirik.

Kmk nyaman2 jak nak madah klak baby kita akan gang ktk lebih dr kmk coz kmk tek kuat ngerepak. Imagine jak apa perasaan kmk yg tgh mengandungkan baby tok. Siang malam tahan sakit blakang, thn nya kick perut mek the whole day, telan ubat besar2 everyday n rs fear mk beranak sik lamak gk.


Kadang2 kmk rs x berbaloi apa kmk plh k ktk. Kmk mintak permission ktk on even benda yg plg kecik tp in d end kmk x dpt coz ktk x mk. Mun org lain x da nya terpk mk tyk pun.

Everytime before ktk blt outstation, kmk akan make sure rmh kemas, baju suma lipat n laundry dah plh coz kmk mk spend time ngan ktk. N the last time u went away, ktk pdh iboh plh keja rmh...klak plh sama2 tp ckit pun rmh x terurus pasya. When ktk terpajsa plh keja rmh n kmk ddk dpn tv jak muka ktk mcm kmk ambik kesempatan. Tp pernah ka ktk terpk apa kmk plh before ktk blt?

Kmk seriously fed up ngan ktk nektok. This is too much. Ktk pdh ktk pun ada perasaan juak. Ktk pdh ego mek besar and kmk xda mk pdh sorry ka sekali skala.

Kmk xda rs mk pdh sorry coz kmk rs kmk berik effort byk ngan ktk eventho ktk xda pun plh effort k kmk n kmk x pernah pun complain psl ya.

Penat!

Just finished folding allllll the clothes, do the laundry and sweep the floor. Now my body rasa mk patah. Have to sit and relax like every 5 mins. It took me sooooo long to do the house work.

One of my bestest friend is coming tomorrow all the way from penang and that is none other than may!!!

I'm praying hard that ze husband got a place in the chopper on monday or else he'll be there for another week coz all the boats are fully booked. So pls pray with me.

It's 12.40am and i'll be working tomorrow...

ZzzzzzZZzzzzx

;))

It's 11.11am and i miss my husband soooooo much. He still hasn't call yet.

Scrap that...
He called!!!! And i feel like on top of the world weeeee.....he said he has a present for me and i must not ask what and when he's gonna give it but i'll have to choose. Hmmm...i wonder is it food, baby stuff or for me...we'll see...

Oh my english!

I just read smth funny on fb...

A friend posted a pic of himself..
Comment: pls buy .....for me. I know u'll find a ROAD to bring back...



Homaigod...a road???? Seriously???? Isn't it suppose to be a wayyyy....hahhahahahahhaha

Welcome back

I just watched grey's and i hate that i can totally relate myself to the story. I feel like i'm christina. Tonight episode was when owen told her that he slept with a random woman and that broke christina apart.

Okay my husband does not sleep with other woman, nauzubillahiminzalik but i totally get the broken part. In the end owen left and it ended just like that. I dont want us to be like that so i'm gonna soften my heart and let him back into my heart. He must give me one big giant hug when he comes back on monday.

Don't get me wrong with my previous post. I do love my husband A LOT. Why else would i marry him but sometimes becase of his ignorant and my sensitivity kabooommmmm it explodes! But most of the time we are a lovey dovey couple who ppl around us will be sick seeing us.

I love u syg. Come home soon. I'm ready now..

...

It's almost 9pm and i just got home. Ya Allah penat rs badan. Dont have energy to eat. After watching health show, i dont feel like eating fast food or anything that is unhealthy. Even eating bread or rice make me feel disgusted. But if i dont have them, i'll feel hungry all the time during the day.

Husband called again just now. Thinking that i might be at home and cooled down but i wasnt. I was still as angry like before. Don't feel like picking up the phone if he call again later but then again the thought of him having to que a long line just to talk to me for 5mins makes me feel like a jackass if i reject his call. But i soooo want him to feel what i felt last night. Then the thought of 'isteri solehah mesti minta maaf kepada suami seblm tdo stiap malam' just kills me. Why cant husband minta maaf? Why must the wife go to hell of the husband doesnt forgive the wife? It's a bit unfair do t u think?

I wanna have a new hobby. Making research on islam. I read too many ridiculous stuff in fb that was posted by the so called preacher that makes me wanna puke. Make me dislike the teachings of islam. Make me question my faith. These preacher thought that they're being saints and trying to pull us to live in the way of islam. Instead, it push me further and further frm islam. So since ramadhan is coming soon, it is perfect for me to learn abt islam coz no setan will disturb me during my studies. Yeehaaa...some ppl are crazyyyyyy to do good stuff during ramadhan but honestly for me, it's no different than bln lain. U still have to be crazy kind during the other months. This ramadhan insyaAllah i want to strenghten my iman and learn abt islam. The true islam base on al-quran and sunnah. Hadith is a bit hard coz there's a lot of fake ones now so for me al-quran and sunnah is good enough.

I may or may not fast this month and i dont care what other ppl have to say coz this is my life and my body. Only i know my limit so screw u.

If i fast ppl would say..aiya no need to fast la, ur pregnant. Or kesian lah ur baby dont get enough nutrient.

If i dont fast ppl would say...kakak aku pregnant haritu puasa je...ok je ak tgk...full kot dye puasa...

So once again, i will remind myself to be strong and just dont care what other ppl have to say.


Husband just called and i feel so menyampah mok answer his call. He said that i dont have to punish him by making him feel angry in return of what he did to me last night coz he didnt do it on purpose. I can't forgive him just yet. I just can't.

He put me through hell last night. If it wasn't becoz of the baby, i wouldnt know what i'll do to myself.

The only way i can vent to you is through my blog since i have no other way to communicate with you.

How long have you known me? You know i'm the kind of person who will grow anger and hatred over time. So when you call me this morning, i wasnt looking forward to hear your voice. Last night was so bad for me and even as i type this post, i feel like my tears can come out anytime thinking about last night. I was all alone and i have no one to comfort me. No one to tell me that it's gonna be fine. You're strong and you can go through this all by yourself. I feel bad for the baby to er me screaming like a crazy woman. That is why i hate you so much right now for making me so sad. Once again you tried to defend yourself this morning on why you didn't call me back last night. Guess what? I dont care anymore. Now i'm finally okay and i'm working my ass off to finish this tender so that i can enjoy my weekend with my friend and i dont need you. Work as long as you want coz i honestly dont want to see your face just yet.

Dont come home just yet

I dont want u to come home. Not anymore. How can u be so insensitive. I cried scream and yell like a mad woman in this house after u hang up the phone. I dont think i'm gonna pick ur call tomorrow. I dont want to hear ur voice until i dont know when i'll forgive u.

Even if my hormon are not stable and being like a cry baby. U should have comfort me. U should know better since ur hormon is normal. But no...u raised ur voice to prove smth to me. How can i not be sensitive when i said i miss u and i feel like i want to cry n then u said 'maybe becoz ktk denga suara kmk...bah k lah bye' n i said ' noooo pls dont hang up' cuba syg soak urself in that particular conversation. How can kmk x kecik ati?!! Wpun syg slh fhm but mun dh denga kmk nangis gia pun syg still mk prove ur point yg u heard it wrongly? Why cant syg mengalah n pdh sorry. That would have made me feel better.

Now i think i lost my voice coz i couldnt stand the emotions running inside my body. God knows what my baby is thinking or feeling when i was in the crazy state. I was out of breath n my head feels mcm mk explode coz i couldn't deal with my emotions. N u werent here to see what damage u've made.

I hope u'll come home at least on monday. I dont wish to see u anytime soon. I hate ur job. I hate what ur putting me through. Go ahead and say kmk x bersyukur or whatever becoz there's no woman in this world who like to be married and left behind after that.

I dont know how am i gonna cope when this baby comes out. Will i be okay looking after her while working at the same time and i have NO ONE with me. Boh pdh when the baby pops out, i'm actually worried abt myself in this coming weeks. I've watched too much 'if birth goes bad' and i know what possible situation can happen and if that happens, whose gonna be there for me?


What have i got myself into?!
Fuck i'm doomed!

It's 7pm and i just got out frm the office. I feel sooooooo tired. I hope the road will be kind to me. Pls lah jgn jam. Am so hungry and tired right now. Mksdnya mkn sardin n roti jak lah mlm tok..cepat n senang

Fuck u

Today i thought i already dressed up nicely but then there was this girl asking am i wearing a baju tido. I felt so insulted coz 1) she's not close to me at all to make that joke 2) she wore smth like what my grandma would wear everyday. My friends laughed abt it and thought it was funny and they brought it up in fb which pisses me off. But i tried to keep my cool and carefully chose my words to reply coz i still dont want to be insensitive like them. How i wish i can reply "x kisah lah korg nak ckp org kampung ke baju tido ke yang penting duit dlm account ak byk"

I am very very sensitive when it comes to how i look. Coz :
1) i am very aware that i am fat now coz HELL-O can't u see i'm pregnant?!
2) hence 90% of my clothes don't fit anymore and i hate buying pregnant clothes coz i hate the thought of not being able to wear it when the baby pops out!
3) preggie clothes are yucky coz it all look very lepeh-ish. If only i can wear sleeveless dresses and short sundress so that i can actually breathe in my clothes
4)Plus they are sooooo expensive
5) i have so many other things to buy other than clothes such as nursing bra, baby towel and bedding n etc...


So when ppl call me heavy weight, org kampung and baju tido. I will feel offended becoz i, too miss being pretty.

Orang kampung

I just iron my clothes and i feel horrible. U know why? Coz i'm ironing pretty clothes to work. I feel guilty about it. Normally i'll just grab whatever in front of me but apparently my collegue said i look like org kampung. It felt like a slap to my face when she told me that. Suddenly my self esteem is low and i felt embarass. Though we joked about it coz another collegue of mine got the exact same reaction from her bf's family, it still hurts. Yes i laugh and act like i'm not affected by it but deep down inside i do.

I just realized how unattractive i am becoming. Plus gaining weight and being pregnant doesn't help. Most of my clothes don't fit me anymore and that is very frustrating.

I only like to dress up when husband is around even when i'm at home. I even wear perfume before going to sleep. But when he's not home, i just dont bother to dress up. What's the point right??

So now i feel guilty wearing prettty clothes but not going out on a date with husband. I feel like as if i'm telling the world "look at meee..i'm prettyyyy"

I hope Allah will forgive my choice of clothes tomorrow. I'm just embarass that even my own friend sees me like org kampung ;(

Kick...aiyak!

Baby kicks are getting more and more intense. My back pain is starting to be a bit unbearable plus it's getting harder to take a deep breath.

When husband returns insyaAllah i'll hit 7 months mark! Weehoo..

I miss my husband

It's another lonely weekend for me. Husband is working offshore in kemaman. This time around his place doesn't have internet so we couldn't be in touch all the time. All i can do is wait for him to call me using the public phone.

Alhamdulillah. This time around is not so bad. I'm not a cry baby like how i used to be. When i didn't heard any news from him for over 36 hours if i'm not mistaken, i just pray hard and leave everything in god's hand. I was worried sick since i know he was transported using a small boat in the middle of the sea. I tried to keep myself busy to take my mind off being worried.

Now all i do is wait for him to come home in the next two weeks and we'll start to shop baby stuff again ;) Husband said that he's gonna paint the nursery when he comes home. Can't wait!

;(

I haven't heard any news from husband for the past 28 hours. Ya Allah ya tuhanku tabahkanlah hatiku

Acrobatic baby

Baby is moving like an acrobatic in my tummy. The funny thing is it's visible and i feel so geli when i watch it. I wish husband is here right now coz we would totally laugh seeing this together.

Oh my baby is still moving at this moment. I feel so geliiiiiiiiiiiii

If only my energy level is like before i was pregnant, then i wouldn't need the help from someone else.

It gives me too much heartache

Moody

I totally understand why mommies are always annoyed and moody and very very sensitive/explosive.

I'll be in that state whenever i feel that my house is not tidy. I can live like a normal happy person when i dont care about the messiness but the minute i realize that i need to do this and that, i will be soooooOooOoo moody! Argh!!

We're out to buy some stuff from tesco and i'm surveying for some baby essential at giant/tesco so hopefully i'll find some bargains.

Anywho...i hate it when i'm moody. Mun aku jenis ceridak kan bagus..x lalek mk ngemas2 tok. Haih