...

It's almost 9pm and i just got home. Ya Allah penat rs badan. Dont have energy to eat. After watching health show, i dont feel like eating fast food or anything that is unhealthy. Even eating bread or rice make me feel disgusted. But if i dont have them, i'll feel hungry all the time during the day.

Husband called again just now. Thinking that i might be at home and cooled down but i wasnt. I was still as angry like before. Don't feel like picking up the phone if he call again later but then again the thought of him having to que a long line just to talk to me for 5mins makes me feel like a jackass if i reject his call. But i soooo want him to feel what i felt last night. Then the thought of 'isteri solehah mesti minta maaf kepada suami seblm tdo stiap malam' just kills me. Why cant husband minta maaf? Why must the wife go to hell of the husband doesnt forgive the wife? It's a bit unfair do t u think?

I wanna have a new hobby. Making research on islam. I read too many ridiculous stuff in fb that was posted by the so called preacher that makes me wanna puke. Make me dislike the teachings of islam. Make me question my faith. These preacher thought that they're being saints and trying to pull us to live in the way of islam. Instead, it push me further and further frm islam. So since ramadhan is coming soon, it is perfect for me to learn abt islam coz no setan will disturb me during my studies. Yeehaaa...some ppl are crazyyyyyy to do good stuff during ramadhan but honestly for me, it's no different than bln lain. U still have to be crazy kind during the other months. This ramadhan insyaAllah i want to strenghten my iman and learn abt islam. The true islam base on al-quran and sunnah. Hadith is a bit hard coz there's a lot of fake ones now so for me al-quran and sunnah is good enough.

I may or may not fast this month and i dont care what other ppl have to say coz this is my life and my body. Only i know my limit so screw u.

If i fast ppl would say..aiya no need to fast la, ur pregnant. Or kesian lah ur baby dont get enough nutrient.

If i dont fast ppl would say...kakak aku pregnant haritu puasa je...ok je ak tgk...full kot dye puasa...

So once again, i will remind myself to be strong and just dont care what other ppl have to say.


Husband just called and i feel so menyampah mok answer his call. He said that i dont have to punish him by making him feel angry in return of what he did to me last night coz he didnt do it on purpose. I can't forgive him just yet. I just can't.

He put me through hell last night. If it wasn't becoz of the baby, i wouldnt know what i'll do to myself.